The Conversation

Change comes through adversity. Gaze into my lowest point and find where I made my turn in the right direction. Prepare to get personal!

It was the end of winter quarter, and I had never been more alone. I returned to my family for break, knowing I needed to tell my parents about my deteriorating mental health. I don’t know when it began. Perhaps after I graduated from high school and took my first steps into the journey of adulthood. As I moved to Ellensburg to face a new culture and environment, I had only one true friend with me.

I struggled to make new friends and hid myself in my dorm room, being social only through video games. My grades suffered from my lack of effort and attention, only worsening my condition. Of all the obstacles and challenges I have faced in my life; none have prompted the change that having this conversation did. Every angle of judgment I put upon myself showed that I was failing. I was lost, but I knew what I needed to do.

3 years later, my condition has improved drastically, and I am 4 quarters from graduating. Once I spoke to my parents, my tension was eased. My mom set up an appointment with my primary care physician and I went in to talk to him. I broke down in front of my doctor and told him about my feelings in the most honest way I could. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and prescribed an anti-depressed that would also improve my sleep.

My primary friend group had trouble understanding why I was depressed. I mean, I had it all, a loving family, a wealthy support system, and most of all, a plan for my life. That final piece is where they had it wrong.

I knew where I was going to go to college, but I had no clue what I wanted to study. I scrambled at orientations, trying to find where I fit in. I eventually settled on Communication Studies due to its broad scope and practical applications. I thought to myself at the time, “if I could learn how other people work then maybe I could understand myself better…”

My loneliness and depression did not fully subside until I finished my general education classes. I continued to struggle with courses that I felt were useless while I thrived in classes I found interesting. After taking Philosophy 101, I knew I had found a minor to add to my studies.

Reading about philosophy was captivating and it improved my critical thinking skills quite a bit. The four classes needed to complete the minor came and went, making that part of my journey quick.

I am not entirely sure that my depression has been cured but I do know that the chemical imbalance in my brain has been largely reoriented. Having that conversation was so difficult because I knew how my parents would react. My dad would believe that it was his fault, even if it wasn’t. My mom would be scared, hosting a dire concern for her youngest son. No matter what, I knew they would still love and care for me.

My parent’s concerns would subside with time, much like my fear of caring for myself.